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- Why is
it that you sit in front of your TV and behind your computer?
- Why is
it that when you're driving and looking for an address, you turn down
the volume on the radio?
- Why didn't
Noah swat those two mosquitoes?
- Is it
OK to use the AM radio after noon?
- What do
butterfly's feel when they're in love?
- Why do
people have "hot water heaters"?
- If your
water is hot, why heat it?
- If people
from Poland are called Poles, why aren't people from Holland called
Holes?
- Why is
it new and improved? If it's new how can it be an improvement of something
and if it's improved how can it be something new?
- Why do
the sick people have to walk all the way to the back of the pharmacy
for medicine when cigarettes can be purchased at the front door?
- What do
birdies see when they faint?
- Who puts
the thin ice sign in the middle of the thin ice?
- Do burn
victims get discounts at crematoriums?
- If the
#2 pencil is the most popular, why is it still #2?
- Can it
be a mistake that "desserts" gives "stressed" spelled backwards?
- Since
light travels faster than sound, isn't that why some people appear bright
until you hear them speak?
- Why is
the time of day with the slowest traffic called rush hour?
- Adam and
Eve were the first people on earth...Did they have belly buttons?
- A nice
box of chocolates provide your total daily intake of calories in one
place. Isn't that handy?
- Are unripened
oranges called greens?
- A wise
old owl sat on an oak,
- The more
he saw the less he spoke;
- The less
he spoke the more he heard;
- Why aren't
we like that wise old bird?
- Can atheists
get insurance for acts of God?
- Could
your eyes be called an academy, because there are pupils there?
- Crime
doesn't pay. . .does that mean that my job is a crime?
- Did Noah
include termites on the ark?
- Did you
ever feel that you were a typewriter, while everyone else in the world
was a wordprocessor?
- Doesn't
expecting the unexpected make the unexpected become the expected?
- Does the
name "Pavlov" ring a bell?
- Do fish
get thirsty?
- Do illiterate
people get the full effect of alphabet soup?
- Do penguins
have knees?
- Do they
have reserved parking for non-handicapped people at the Special Olympics?
- Do you
love me because I am beautiful or I am I beautiful because you love
me?
- Ever stop
to think, and forget to start again?
- Have you
ever imagined a world with no hypothetical situations?
- How can
one TV station have the "exclusive" accurate weather? Did they "storm"
in and scoop the others?
- How come
wrong numbers are never busy?
- How could
I have been doing 70 miles an hour when I've only been driving for 10
minutes?
- How does
the guy who drives the snowplow get to work in the mornings? How is
it that a building burns up as it burns down?
- If a book
about failures doesn't sell, is it a success?
- If all
the world is a stage, where is the audience sitting?
- If a man
with multiple personalities threatens to kill himself, would it be considered
a hostage situation?
- If a man
who cannot count finds a four-leaf clover, is he lucky?
- If a turtle
does not have a shell on, is he homeless or naked?
- If a vegetarian
is someone who eats vegetables, what does that make a humanitarian?
- If Barbie
is so popular, why do you have to buy her friends?
- If corn
oil comes from corn....where does baby oil come from?
- If crime
fighters fight crime and fire fighters fight fire, what do freedom fighters
fight?
- If helium
existed in a solid form, and you ate it would you get heavier or lighter?
- If it
is tourist season, why can't we shoot them?
- If nothing
sticks to Teflon how do they stick Teflon to the pan?
- If pro
is the opposite of con, is progress the opposite of congress?
- If someone
were to pay you ten cents for every kind word you ever spoke and collect
five cents for every unkind word, would you be rich or poor?
- If stores
claim to be open 24 hours a day, seven days a week, why do they have
locks on the doors?
- If swimming
is so good for your figure, how do you explain whales?
- If the
cops arrest a mime do they tell him that he has the right to remain
silent?
- If there's
so much labor-saving machinery, why don't I have more free time?
- If the
universe is expanding, why can't I find a parking space?
- If the
world is spinning so quickly why don't we all get dizzy?
- If tin
whistles are made of tin, what are fog horns made of?
- If today
is the first day of the rest of your life, what was yesterday?
- If we
aren't supposed to eat animals, why are they made of meat?
- If we
weren't meant to keep starting over, would God have granted us monday?
- If you
learn from your mistakes, then why ain't I a genius?
- If you're
in a vehicle going the speed of light, what happens when you turn on
the headlights?
- If you're
only as old as you feel, how come I can't retire yet?
- If you
steal a clean slate, does it go on your record?
- If you
were going to die soon and had only one phone call you could make, who
would you call and what would you say? And why are your waiting?
- I have
lived through the sixties, seventies, eighties and nineties. Am I now
about to live through the noughties?
- I'm in
shape. Round is a shape, isn't it?
- I never
spit in your drink; why do you smoke in my air?
- I saw
a sign that said "seeing dogs eyes only" who is supposed to read this?
the dog?
- Is it
true that cannibals don't eat clowns because they taste funny?
- Isn't
it a bit unnerving that doctors call what they do "practice"?
- Is the
glass half empty, half full, or twice as large as it needs to be?
- I wonder
how much deeper the ocean would be without sponges?
- I wonder
why you can always read a doctor's bill and never his prescription?
The other day a woman came up to me and said, "Didn't I see you on television?"
I said, "I don't know. You can't see out the other way."
- What does
an atheist do when he drives up behind a car with a "Honk if you love
Jesus" bumper sticker and that car doesn't move when the traffic light
turns green?
- What do
they use to ship styrofoam?
- What do
you do when you discover an endangered animal that eats only endangered
plants?
- What exactly
is "Unsweetened" iced Tea? Did they take the sugar back out? What is
a "free" gift? Aren't all gifts free?
- What is
listed as the hair color on a drivers license of a bald headed man?
- What would
the world be like without hypothetical situations? When it rains, why
don't sheep shrink? When your parents get finished spanking you they
say " you better dry it up or I'll give you something to cry for." What
do they think that a whipping is.
- Where
does the white go when the snow melts?
- Why are
cigarettes sold in gas stations when smoking is prohibited there?
- Why are
there interstate highways in Hawaii?
- Why are
wise men and wise guys the exact opposites?
- Why call
it a building if it's already been built?
- Why can't
life's problems hit us when we're 17 and know everything?
- Why does
an alarm clock "go off" when it begins ringing?
- Why doesn't
the fellow who says "I'm no speechmaker" let it go at that instead of
giving a demonstration?
- Why does
Queen Elizabeth, who has people to put on her make-up, do her hair,
and needs no cash or identification carry a purse?
- Why does
the sun on the Raisan Bran cereal box wear sunglasses?
- Why do
Kamikaze pilots wear helmets?
- Why don't
people on TV ever go to the bathroom?
- Why do
people who know the least know it the loudest?
- Why do
the hours at work drag on endlessly when the years seem to fly past?
Why do they call them "apartments" when they are all stuck together?
- Why do
they sterilize needles for lethal injections?
- Why do
tourists go to the tops of tall buildings and then put money into telescopes
so they can see things on the ground close-up?
- Why do
we drive on parkways and park on driveways?
- Why do
we look in our handkerchiefs after blowing our nose?
- Why do
we say there is nothing on TV tonight when there obviously is something
on?
- Why do
we wash bath towels? Aren't we clean when we use them?
- Why do
you need a driver's license to buy liquor when you can't drink and drive?
- Why is
"abbreviation" such a long word?
- Why is
it called a "building" when it is already built?
- Why is
it that the uneducated minds always criticize the brilliant minds?
- Why is
it that when one man kills another, he is hanged as a murderer, but
when one man kills millions, he is hailed as a conqueror?
- Why is
it that when you're driving and looking for an address, you turn down
the volume on the radio? Why is it that when you transport something
by car, it's called a shipment, but when you transport something by
ship, it's called cargo?
- Why is
it, whether you sit up or sit down, the result is the same?
- Why isn't
phonetic spelled the way it sounds?
- Why isn't
there mouse-flavored cat food?
- Why is
the practice called "fasting" when time passes so slowly when you're
doing it?
- Why must
the phrase, "It is none of my business", always be followed by, but?
Would a fly without wings be called a walk?
- You can't
have everything...where would you put it?
- You know
that little indestructible black box that is used on planes, why can't
they make the whole plane out of the same substance?
- What would
be the shape of the chairs if our legs bent backwards?
- Ok, so
what is the speed of dark?
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